Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
