i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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