booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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