you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
