He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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