You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
