**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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