my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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