redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
