I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Found the puke drawer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
