Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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