I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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