so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
