the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
