What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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