batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
