you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
