shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
FUCK WHALES
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