Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
