i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
