Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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