Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
