She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
