cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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