If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
