if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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