I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
