My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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