: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
