I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
