It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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