me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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