He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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