my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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