Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
