so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
