Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
