Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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