So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
