i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
