def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
