just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
