ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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