I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
