OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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