I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
