It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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