Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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