I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
