I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
