I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
