finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
