If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
