Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
