This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
