Plan B is the new Plan A
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
