The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
