her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
