there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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